Give it a Little Heart

 I'm thankful for my car. It sure is a pain in the rear when it loses charge every time I go someplace, but I cannot deny the fact it runs when it does. The fact remains, I cannot get a new car to replace it until I have a job. There are a lot of things that don't make any sense about me moving here without first having a job, but we have food, a home and transportation. Most of all, we have each other and that is the reason for me being here and no other place. Job hunting has not been good to me, but it is a blessing of sorts.

And yes, there is a Catch-22. I cannot get a car unless I have a job and I cannot have a job if I don't have a reliable car. But, it has charged up pretty well until the last couple of days. Thankfully, I've only been in places where my angels, Julie and Catherine, have been able to help me out. That is no coincidence. I simply haven't traveled very far in order to be sure I will be able to get back home. But that is a Catch as well, because the further I drive, the better the charge on the battery, yet it is just a waste of gas if I am just driving around. I could use the drive time to visit friends I haven't seen in so long, find new vistas, and enjoy the drive, but it is hard to rely on something so unreliable. And yes, it is true Mark works for a major car company, but we cannot afford the payment on a new car until I am working. It is what it is. Difficult and true. 

I am thankful for my life and the people in it. The car is a thing and will remain a thing, yet it has given me the opportunity to drive across the desert, mountains, hills, and plains in order to visit my family all over the Midwest. I drove that trip from Las Vegas, Nevada to St. Charles, Illinois three times in the summers I was teaching, and it is the first car I have ever purchased on my own and have the title in hand. But it is not a person and I needn't be attached to a thing like this. Maybe its shutting down is simply in my favor, because I will be so mad that it has failed me I will be ready to let it go. But it is a thing and things don't think and give reason. They either work or they don't. I will keep hoping to let it go sooner than later.

The heart is how I feel - unclear and tangled. Things will get better in the car department when the time is right. Until then, I'll focus on the love in my life and care for my heart with matters that matter.

Materials:
Strathmore Windmill Watercolor Paper, 140 lb, 9x12 paper
Faber Castell Watercolor Cakes